Thursday 2 December 2010

Sexual mores: "When push comes to shove"

As a single sexual being of the male variation, and of this era, I spend time online chatting up other guys in the hope of hooking up for a good time. In and of itself, this pass-time is as old as the way to Rome, only the medium changes. I find it highly entertaining and sometimes manage to have some luck.

There are two extremes positions on "safer sex" that bother me. On the one hand you have people who will not even talk to you if you don't put on your profile that you only practice "safer sex." They get on their high horses and start lecturing other people on the evils of unprotected sex. I wonder if the majority of them could honestly say that they never ever engaged in unprotected sexual activities. At the other end of the spectrum, you have those individuals who tell you in no uncertain terms that they only  bareback. This stance also bogs me, just like in the aforementioned case, I wonder how egocentric you can get. "It's my way or no way!"

I'm more for a moderate and, in my view realistic, approach to this issue. I think it should always be discussed. A character in a book/story I've been reading online puts it quite blunt and correctly. 'If you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be doing it.' And I'm not referring to crass talk about what you intend to do to each other, but about likes, dislikes, sexual mores and history. We have to realize that anytime we have as much as a French kiss with someone, we're exposing ourself to everybody else this person has ever been with.

When designing awareness campaigns related to safer sex, we should not forget that the human being is very sexual. Setting 100% safer sex as a goal, will have as much success as wanting all our adolescents and teens to wait with sex until they are in their 20's or (even worse) married. It is just not going to happen.

My theory is that people are paying lip service to the notion that you're only ever allowed to have safer sex, but when push comes to shove (often literally), they forget all about it. I'm aware that experience by one individual are not considered scientifically sound, but I'm not writing a scientific brief. If I analyse the last 10 men I've been with: with 6, condoms weren't even mentioned. 3 mentioned it and it wasn't used even though it lay within reach. And ONE guy, left the bed to go FIND a condom. And all these guys professed to have safer sex only on their profiles.

I've been thinking about this blog for a while now, but haven't come around to writing it. I know that a lot of people will condemn me for what I've written. But in stead of ranting, just THINK and analyse your own sexual mores and of the society at large. I don't advocate bareback sex, what I want to achieve is honesty and transparency. Will this post get me off your X-mas list? Or will this help you take a good look and start using your big head  in stead of the little head?
I hope the latter.