So scared

I'm sitting here, more than a year later.

Been through counseling. Intellectually, I know all that I should do. I know not to let stuff get to me.

I try to enjoy life. be out with friends, try to spend time with family.

In the end, it doesn't matter.

I'm still alone. Still lonely. Still feeling played.

I keep asking myself WHY? Why am I going through the motions. Why can't I really enjoy this. Why am I here. What's my mission in life. Do I even HAVE a mission in this life.

I've always believed that man should not be alone. Yet here I am. I can't even  remember the last time I received a well-meant and selfless hug or a cuddle. It does take a toll on you. Being the strong one is all nice and well, but sometime just sometimes... you need someone to show you that they're in your corner.

I'm nowhere near the situation I was last year, but..

I'm scared and tired.